Let Me Go, Let Me Live, Let Me Love
by spontaneously.tired
Summary: She wishes he would just rip the bandage off and let her move on. She needed to know it was over. Spoilers for Ski Lodge. Rucas.
1. Chapter 1

She remembers the seventh grade. Images of subway rides, white horses, and hands being raised to ask her on a date flash through her mind. She recalls that all these thoughts once made her feel warm, like she was being hugged by the sun. Now all she feels is a bitter, cold, numbness that consumes her.

 _He was hers. He was hers. He was hers._ At least that's what she thought. She wonders when he stopped being completely hers. Was he ever hers to begin with? Or was she sharing the boy since that fateful day on the subway with her best friend, the blonde beauty, the girl who so obviously trumps her pretty brunette self.

She tries to be patient. She understands that all of them are going through feelings and emotions without being completely sure of what it all means. But the longer he waits, the more she slips into a frozen state of being, unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to feel.

She tries sealing her heart to prepare for his sorrys and sad eyes as he tells her that he wants Maya. After all, they did seem like such a couple on the bay window when she was covered in purple paint and he was elated that he made a decision. She waits and waits and waits for Lucas' goodbye speech to their romantic relationship, but it never comes. She wishes he would just rip the bandage off and let her move on. She needed to know it was over. It would hurt less at this point.

Riley isn't particularly excited about the ski lodge trip, and not just because of the horror stories she's heard from her father about those "evil" places. She just doesn't want to be around everyone while pretending she's the same smiley Riley. But maybe she can end this ridiculous triangle once and for all. Maybe if she stepped back and let Lucas and Maya figure things out, she could finally start healing.

The brunette is chatting with Smackle and Farkle excitingly until she trips over her own two feet. She reaches out to hold on to something to prevent her from falling, but realizes too late that she's pulling a boy down with her. They land on the floor with a thud and he's on top of her. She looks into his piercing blue eyes and her face heats up.

He smirks at her, "You make quite the introduction."

Riley can feel her cheeks getting even warmer and lets him pick her off the floor, "Hi."

The boy looks her up and down and smiles kindly, his blue eyes boring into her brown ones and making her experience all sorts of wonderful feelings, "Hey."

Riley giggles, "Hi," she says again, unable to stop the butterflies in her stomach from buzzing.

"Hey," a harsh voice belonging to Lucas breaks the spell and she suddenly remembers where she is. The Texan must be upset because Riley has kept all her friends waiting. She bites her lip and glances at Lucas who is crossing his arms with anger splashed on his face. Then she looks at the other boy who is still smiling at her.

She sticks out her hand, "I'm Riley."

His smile gets impossibly larger and he shakes her hand, "Nice to meet you Riley. My name is Evan."

She notices little shocks all over her body as they touch. She hasn't felt this way since before Texas, before the campfire, before the triangle.

Evan lets go of her hand and her heart slightly drops, but he's smiling at her and she's so mesmerized that the butterflies fly back.

"You wanna hang out? I don't really have any friends around here." One hand flies to the back of neck and Riley can tell that the poor boy is nervous. She's giddy that she did that, _she_ made him nervous.

She's about to say yes and then a familiar voice rings in her ears, "Riley, don't you think it would be better to hang out with us instead of a guy you just met?"

She looks back at Lucas standing next to Maya. She can take herself out of the equation and let them feel whatever they feel. And maybe, just maybe, she'll get to hang out with a cute boy of her own for the trip.

She shakes her head at the boy, "I'll still hang out with guys later, but Evan needs a friend right now. You understand, right Lucas?"

"Yeah, you understand, right Lucas?" Evan chimes in.

Lucas grits his teeth, but nods yes to the brunette.

Riley smiles brightly at Evan and signals him to lead the way to their next adventure. The last thing she hears is Lucas saying something about kicking a tree. She shrugs to herself, it must be a snowboarding trick.

Her and Evan spend hours together. For quite some time he tried to teach her how to ski, but after realizing there was no hope of helping the klutzy brunette master the sport, they go inside and simply talk to each other.

She learns that he's from New Jersey, but that he's always wanted to travel, especially to Spain to practice Spanish, a language he's been taking since the sixth grade. He talks about his little sister like she's the most important person in the universe and Riley can't help but internally squeal at how cute it is. He tells her he wants to study law to fight for people that have no one to fight for them and Riley's swooning.

It's so easy to be with him. She can feel herself turning back into Riley Matthews, the real Riley Matthews. The girl with hopes and dreams and who believed. It reminds her of libraries and Knicks rants and popcorn and chocolate.

Evan stares at her, grinning as he speaks, "Enough about me, tell me about you."

She chews on her bottom lip, scared that this boy will no longer want to hang out with her after discovering her dorky personality. But his kind blue eyes ease her worries and she's talking before she even realizes words are spilling out of her mouth.

She tells him her stories. Stories about her friends, family, and mostly about her. He listens closely and his grin grows as each second passes.

"How can you be so adorable?"

She giggles at him. How could he be so amazing? No boy has ever been so sweet to her. Not even Charlie. Not even Lucas. It's nice to have one person as hers. She doesn't mind sharing her parents, her uncles, and even her _boyfriend_ with Maya, but sometimes she just wants one person who likes her more than anyone else, someone that likes her more than her best friend.

It's different from Charlie. With Charlie she wanted to feel something, everything would have been solved if she had felt something for him, but she didn't. With Evan she definitely feels everything, though not as intense as her feelings for Lucas, it allows her to hope. She might never see Evan again after this trip, but these feelings, these thoughts she has of him remind her that she can make it without Lucas Friar, that when he chooses Maya, she'll be disappointed, but she'll live.

She starts to respond to the boy sitting next to her until she feels a soft hand on her shoulder, "Riles? Wanna hang out now?" Maya says.

She turns slightly and sees the rest of her friends staring at her. She feels so strange under Lucas' intense gaze.

Evan takes notice of the situation and smiles at the beautiful girl, "Go. We'll catch up later."

She thanks him and is ready to leave with Maya until she feels his strong hand pull her into his arms. He's hugging her. In front of all her friends and she's sure she's redder than a stop light, "Catch ya later city girl."

When he lets go and she walks to her friends she doesn't notice that a heavenly sigh spills out of her mouth or that Lucas is clenching his fists, turning his knuckles white.

"What were you doing with him?" The green-eyed boy all but shouts at her.

Riley snaps out of her daze looks at him confused, "We were just talking Lucas."

"Riley I don't want you alone with that boy."

She squints her eyes, "And why not?"

"I just don't think you should Riley. You should spend time with us. Your friends. Not that guy."

"Since when do you decide who I spend my time with Lucas?" Her voice is harsh and calculated. How dare he try to control her.

"Since I've been your friend. Can't you see he doesn't have good intentions?"

She steps closer to the boy, rage rushing through her veins, "So a boy can't possibly want to be my friend without having some ulterior motive?"

Lucas nods, "Exactly. How can you be so stupid to not realize that he's going to hurt you?"

Her head pounds. She wants to scream at him. Before she has the chance to she hears Zay say "woah" and it takes her back to the first day of high school in that hole. She was tired of sharing, waiting, and being too much for him. She was tired of him.

"That's rich coming from you," She lets out a bitter laugh and lets her eyes flick up to meet his. He does nothing to hide the irritation in his green orbs. "Considering you're the only person that's ever broken me."

Maya steps in between the two of them, "Guys calm down, this isn't us."

Lucas can't look her in the eyes anymore and Riley forces her face to shown no emotion. She spins on her heel and walks away without giving a second thought. She can hear Maya and Farkle calling her name but she doesn't care. She needs to leave, to get away from it all, to get away from Lucas.

She sits by herself on the sofa for hours. A part of her is happy that none of her friends have found her yet and she's just _thinking, thinking, thinking_ of everything that's going wrong. She doesn't understand why Lucas would be angry with her. All she did was talk to a boy. Why does it matter what she does, shouldn't he be focused on Maya?

Riley's thoughts are interrupted by a newly comforting voice, "City girl, we meet again. Is this seat taken?"

The corners of her lips turn upwards and she gestures to the seat next to her.

"So...wanna tell me what's going on with you and Lucas, because you're cute, no doubt, but I wouldn't want to go after an already taken girl."

"There's nothing going on," she mutters.

Evan rolls his eyes, "Riley, come on. He looked like he wanted to kill me just for being in the same room as you. There's definitely something."

This time Riley rolls her eyes, "You're misinterpreting things, he's going to be with my friend Maya."

Evan shrugs, "I respectfully disagree with your absurd conclusion, he's crazy about you."

Riley's world stops for a moment. She doesn't care anymore. Even if Lucas wanted her, he wanted Maya too, and Riley didn't want that. She doesn't want to keep living in this never-ending cycle of evening things up and losing herself. She wants him to let go. She wants to feel alive. She wants to find love again. It didn't matter anymore. He was too late.

She looks up at the new and interesting boy in front of her, "Maybe he is. But I'm done being crazy about him."


	2. Chapter 2

He had never seen Riley look at him like that. Her eyes were emotionless and her voice venomous. Even when they fought in the hole she didn't look at him with such disgust, such anger. A part of him knows that he deserves it for being so jealous and controlling, but all of him is frozen because of her words. _You're the only person that's ever broken me._

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt anyone, especially her, his sunshine, his princess, the reason he survived New York. But somewhere along the way his efforts deteriorated. He didn't just hurt her, he _broke_ her, and he hates himself for it.

In that second, the blinding fog plaguing his sight dies. Snapshots of Riley's glassy eyes with tears threatening to spill, fake smiles, and humorless laughs race through his brain. How long had she been feeling like that? How could he not have noticed the toll this triangle was having on her?

He doesn't realize she's gone and Maya rushes to find her until Zay puts his hand on his shoulder, "She didn't mean it Lucas. Riley just needs some time to calm down."

"That's highly improbable, Bubbles seemed entirely earnest," Smackle remarks.

"Thank you for the brilliant commentary," he snaps at the female genius, much more bitterly than he would normally.

Farkle's glaring at him with an arm around her, "Cool it. You made your bed, now lie in it and stop taking it out on us," the certified real-boy leaves, pulling his girlfriend along with him.

Lucas lets out a frustrated sigh, facing Zay.

"Don't look at me, I told you the best way to deal with relationships is to not be there."

The joke makes him smile slightly. There's an uncomfortable silence between them before Zay speaks, "So...who'd you end up choosing?"

"Riley. It was always Riley and now it's over."

"I'm sorry man. Maybe you'll work things out? Isn't that what you two do best? Talk?"

"We haven't talked in a long time. Besides, she's having a great time with Evan," Lucas says.

"Yeah, those two did look pretty cozy," Zay admits, earning a scowl from Lucas.

He raises his hands up in defense, "Just telling it like it is man," he pauses. "You know there are other girls besides Riley. Even if it's over between you and Riley, you'll find someone else."

Lucas shakes his head, "No. I'll never find anyone like Riley again. She makes me want to be a stronger person, to look at the bright side of life. She makes everything better, even when I'm having the worst day. I could have never survived New York without her, or ridden Tombstone, or have gotten past my anger issues. I can't….I can't live without her."

Zay stands in silence for a minute. He never thought his friend had such deep feelings for Riley, "Have you ever told her that?"

"No," Lucas says weakly. "I thought she knew how important she was to me."

Sometimes Lucas could be so clueless, "Look, she probably thinks that you're going to pick Maya after everything that's happened. You can't just expect her to read your mind when you took your time entertaining your options between the two of them. Dude, you dated her _best friend_ for a while. She's going to be hurting, confused, and wondering why she wasn't enough for you."

"So what do I do?"

Zay shrugs, "I don't know if Princess Cotton Candy Face is going to listen to you after all of the crap you pulled about Evan, but you need to talk to her. You need to _show_ her that you _are_ worth it. Keep your promise man." Zay pats him on the back before leaving.

Lucas knew his friend was right. The best way to mend their relationship was to talk about it. But he didn't even deserve to be in the same room as her, let alone have a conversation with her. He sighs to himself, even if she didn't listen to him, the least he can do is apologize. He would do whatever it takes to keep her, he couldn't just let her go.

After frantically searching, he finally finds her in one of the Ski Lodge's resting areas. She's sitting with Evan, smiling and laughing, looking more _alive_ than she had in months. His breath catches in his throat. He shouldn't go there, he shouldn't take away her chance to be happy _without him_.

Lucas watches Riley tremble with laughter, much like when he attempted to use a British accent. Her hair falls in front of her face and Evan tucks it behind her ear. Riley grabs his hand and they stare into each other eyes. There an intensity between them that reminds him of Maya, of that campfire.

He wants to walk away, but their interaction is like a car crash to him. He wants to so badly, but he can't look away. Riley's eyes pan up and suddenly her chocolate eyes meet his emerald ones. She drops Evan's hand as if it was burning her, "Lucas," she breathes out.

"Riley," he hesitates. "I think we need to talk."

"I don't think so man. You've done enough," Evan interrupts.

Lucas wants nothing more to do than to tell off this boy who has only known her for a couple of hours, yet thinks he has the right to tell him what to do. But he keeps his eyes on Riley, "Please."

Evan is getting ready to stand and push him out of the room, but Riley puts one hand on his shoulder, making him still, "It's okay. I'll be okay, I'll text you later."

"Are you sure?"

Riley nods before giving Evan a small smile.

The boy groans, but makes his way out of the room, bumping his shoulder with Lucas' before he exits.

Riley looks down on the ground, not sure why she said yes to talking with him. She was done, wasn't she?

"Riley…" Lucas starts. "Please look at me."

Riley looks up and notices that he's incredibly close to her now. Lucas sees her glassy eyes this time, "I'm sorry. I had no right to say those things to you."

She's silent. His palms begin sweating, not sure if her silence is good or bad, "And I'm so sorry if I hurt you in these last few months."

She looks into his eyes, "You didn't hurt me Lucas," for a moment hope floods his body. "You _broke_ me." Her voice cracks on the word and guilt quickly diminishes any hope in his system.

"I wanted you Lucas. Just you. But you didn't want me. At least not only me. You went on dates with Maya for weeks."

"I did that because you stepped back from me. Riley, I thought you wanted me to be your brother. I tried fighting for us."

 _That's what you think we are? What if that's not what I think we are? I'm not comfortable at all. Riley I can't be your brother anymore._

"Maybe you did, but on the same day, you almost kissed my best friend. And you spent two years flirting with her even when we had our unofficial thing going. If you didn't feel something for her Lucas, you wouldn't have dated her, you wouldn't have such a hard time deciding between us. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep riding this perpetual rollercoaster with two people I care about. So I'm done," Riley's crying at this point and all he wants to do is hug her, but he's sure that would only make things worse.

"Riley please don't give up on me. Please don't stop believing in me." _In us._ The words crumble out of his mouth.

"I will always believe in you," her eyes are fixated on her shoes. "But I'm not going to wait and slowly lose my mind over this triangle. I know you want Maya, so this is me, telling you to get her."

He shakes his head, "Riley you don't know what you're talking about."

She looks up again, "Don't I? Lucas, everyone can see it. You two were voted cutest couple. Even _Zay_ , your best friend who's known you since Texas, sees how much you care about her."

Riley moves to leave the room and Lucas grabs her wrist. It feels like a chain around her, "Riley, please you need to understand." His voice sounds almost as broken as she feels.

"Let me go Lucas," she whispers, "I'm begging you."

His hand loosens and she speeds away the first chance she gets, taking his heart with her.

* * *

Joshua Matthews couldn't believe that his big brother Cory was finally going to a ski lodge. All he ever told him was that those places were the epitome of evil, basically hell on Earth. He was even more surprised when Cory asked him to be an extra chaperone for this trip. Josh pondered the idea, it would be nice to catch up with his niece and brother. Not to mention he got a free ski trip just for babysitting some freshman.

After settling down in his room, he walks around to try and find Cory. He wanted to tell him all about his first semester at NYU and couldn't wait to hear about Auggie. He bumps into someone running and sends them tumbling to the ground, "I'm so sor-Riley?"

His niece looks exhausted with puffy eyes and tears streaming down her cheeks, "Riles, what's wrong?"

She starts crying even harder and clutches on to him. He hugs her tight and feels his heart snap in two. He had never seen her like this. Riley Matthews was the definition of sunshine, he wonders how her light burned out.

"Riley," he grabs her chin so she looks at him. "I want to help you, but I need to know what's going on. Okay?"

Riley hiccups, "Okay."

He leads her back to her room and locks the door, hoping her friends won't interrupt the important conversation ahead, "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

She sighs, but starts speaking anyways, "Maya and Lucas were voted cutest couple even though Lucas and I were unofficially together. Then Lucas didn't ask me to semi-formal because he just naturally assumed we were going together. After that, I kept noticing these moments with him and Maya. Even my friend Zay said they were lovebirds. Zay's his best friend, the person who has known him longer than any of us. If he thinks Lucas belongs with Maya, what did that say about our relationship?"

She pauses for a minute, finding herself getting more emotional as she recounted the events that got them here. Josh gives her hand a squeeze and she continues, "We went to Texas so Lucas could ride Tombstone the Bull. Maya couldn't watch him do it and I realized that she liked him. I wanted Maya to be happy so I decided to step back. Besides, I remember Uncle Eric and his friend Jack telling me they fought over the same girl. She loved Jack like a boyfriend and Uncle Eric like a brother, but she still talks to Uncle Eric, not Jack. I thought that if Lucas and I dated and broke up, I would lose him for good. So, I told him that I loved him like a brother, and that Maya liked him. That night they almost kissed, and when I found out, I decided to go on a date with another boy, Charlie."

"Riles…" he interrupts her but she keeps talking. "I thought I was hiding everything pretty well, but Farkle knew I still liked Lucas. I asked for some time because I was so sure my feelings would fade away, and he agreed to give me that. On New Year's Eve, I broke up with Charlie because I didn't have feelings for him, but Farkle told the entire class at midnight that I still had feelings for Lucas. Ever since then, me and Maya have been waiting for him to make a decision. But I just couldn't take it anymore, so I told him that I was done today."

Josh holds his niece as she cries into his shoulder. His blood boils. How could Cory and Topanga not realize how much Riley was going through? How could Maya flirt with her best friend's semi-boyfriend without feeling bad?

"Riley, I think you did the right thing."

"Really Josh?"

He nods, "No boy is worth it if he makes you feel this bad. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Riley bits her lip, "Because Farkle already told the entire class my secret and I couldn't talk to Maya about any of this. I tried telling Mom and Dad, but they kept telling me that things would work out, and were comforting Maya instead of me. I just didn't want to bother anyone."

He sighs at the girl next to him. If he knew one thing about his niece, it was that insecurity was her biggest weakness. No wonder she was having a meltdown. The boy she was with and her best friend developed feelings for each other, everyone thought they were perfect together, and she was stuck in a love triangle for months.

"Riley, you can talk to me. Remember that. You are not a burden at all, and I promise to be here for you no matter what."

"Thank you Uncle Josh. And thank you for listening to me. I feel a lot better."

He swings his arm around her, "No problem kiddo. What do want to do now?"

"I'm actually kind of hungry, but I don't want to see anyone right now," Riley says.

"Say no more. I'll go down and get you some food. I figure you want to sleep after such an emotional day today."

Riley kisses his cheek and whispers thanks before Josh leaves her alone with her thoughts.

The youngest Matthews spots a petite blonde on his way to the ski lodge cafe. Her eyes widen slightly, but she calmly approaches him anyways. _Well that's new._

"Josh, I didn't expect you to be here, have you seen Riley?"

He doesn't look at the blonde to his side, instead focusing straight ahead, "Yeah. I'm getting her food."

"Is she okay?"

Josh faces Maya now, needing to see her reaction when he said what he was about to say, "Gee Maya. I don't know. Her best friend flirted with her unofficial thing for two years and she's been in some weird love triangle for months feeling unwanted and not enough for the only boy she's ever liked."

Her eyes suddenly have tears in them. He feels a hint of guilt, but ignores it. He was going to put his niece first even if no one else did, "Why do you even like Lucas? Is it because of some twisted fantasy to take everything away from Riley? Her parents, Shawn, her crush?"

Tears are streaming down Maya's cheeks. Had she really been stealing everything from Riley? Her best friend, her sister. Was she the reason why Riley felt broken?

"No. I never wanted to hurt her Josh. I love her, she means the world to me."

"You've got a funny way of showing it Hart. Why did you have to go for Lucas, of all people?"

Maya flinches. His tone is getting more and more cold towards her as the conversation continues, "I just...he's a nice guy. I like making fun of him." _Why did she like him?_

"They're millions of nice guys that you can make fun of on this planet. You picked the one Riley had," he turns away from Maya, getting ready to find Riley some food, but turns back to say one last thing. "Stay away from my niece."

She can't stop crying, she doesn't know if it's because Josh, who still makes her knees weak, just gave her a verbal slap in the face or because he's right. She stole Lucas from her best friend. She ruined everything. She _should_ stay away.

* * *

Lucas had been laying in his bed for hours, replaying every moment he had with Riley over the last two years. When this bubbly girl fell into his lap on the subway, he was sure that he would never see the pretty brunette again. Imagine his surprise when he walked into her father's class. Sure, it was a simple attraction at first, but the more he learned about Riley Matthews, the more he wanted to be with her.

She was sweet, caring, and just so easy to talk to. He was sure the no one could be as wonderful as his princess. He was inspired everyday to be a better person simply because of her, her traits, her personality, her heart. He thought they were going to make it.

When he learned that Maya liked him and Riley only loved him like a brother, he decided to give Maya a chance. Maybe they would have a better connection than the one he had with Riley. All of their dates were awkward and tense, but they had to have something right? They had something at that campfire. When she told him that she was happy to be with him on New Year's, he thought that they would just naturally transition into a better relationship, even though Riley was constantly on his mind. But when Farkle dropped the bombshell, everything changed and Lucas couldn't think straight, and when he finally figured it out, Riley wanted nothing to do with him.

He hears the door unlock and sees Farkle and Zay walk into their shared room.

"I'm sorry for getting mad at Smackle," he says to the first best friend he made in New York.

"I know you are, but you should apologize to her, not me."

Lucas nods, "Where is she?"

Farkle and Zay look at each other and then back at Lucas, silently refusing to answer his question.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?"

"We found Maya crying on the floor, Smackle is with her until we find Mrs. Matthews," Farkle reluctantly answers.

"Why was she crying?" Lucas asks. He had never seen anything make Maya cry.

"She was crying because of me," the three boys glance at the doorway to see Josh.

"Why did you make her cry?" Lucas shouts at the older boy.

"Why did you make Riley think she wasn't good enough? Why did you and Maya flirt with each other when you were with Riley? Why did you almost kiss a day after Riley ended your thing together? I'm sorry if Maya is upset about this, but since no one else wants to put Riley first, I am gladly doing it."

The two boys glare at each other, neither of them daring to look away. Josh knew that he was being a little harsh on these teens, but nothing mattered after he saw his niece in such pain. Lucas understands that he really hurt Riley, but that didn't give Josh the right to hurt Maya.

Zay decides to diffuse the anger, "Hey, I'm Zay. We haven't been properly introduced yet," he holds his hand out to the older boy.

"I know who you are," Josh spits at him. "You're his best friend from Texas, the one that kept saying him and Maya were love birds, which made my niece doubt her relationship with this idiot."

"And you," he turns to Farkle. "I'm glad you comforted her after Texas, but you should have privately told them about how Riley felt, not tell the entire class. The same class that voted for her best friend and her unofficial boyfriend as the cutest couple. Do you have any idea how embarrassed Riley felt after that?"

Josh doesn't wait for Farkle to answer, turning back to Lucas, "I don't care if you picked Maya or Riley, but if you ever hurt her again like this, I will _personally_ end you." Josh races out the door before any of the boys comment.

"So…" Zay begins, "What happens now?"

Lucas stands in shock for a while, maybe things would be better if he just left both girls alone. He had already hurt the most important person in his life, "I'm going to let her go."


	3. Chapter 3

The sun shines on her face through the windows in her room. The heavenly warmth of the brightest star in the sky _almost_ makes her forget everything that happened during this trip. But when she opens her eyes, she's transported back to the reality of it all. She knows that she'll have to see Maya and the rest of her friends today. They'll ask questions and demand answers that she doesn't have, and the more Riley thinks about this inevitability, the more her heart constraints in her chest.

She finally gains the courage to turn herself around to face Maya and Smackle only to be met with a completely empty room. She turns on her phone to look at time, 1 PM. Of course she would sleep in a little today, after having an emotionally draining talk with Josh, and then managing to replay the triangle in her head over and over again until she passed out, Riley's surprised she woke up at all.

She bites her lip as she studies her reflection in the mirror. Her face is still puffy from the night before and her hair is an absolute bird's nest. She gathers her favorite shampoo, body wash, and lotion, deciding to take a relaxing shower before starting the day, hoping that she would gain some clarity after getting clean.

She walks out smelling like an island paradise and feeling slightly reborn, as if washing away the dirt on her body washed away the disorder in her life. She hums to herself while drying and brushing her hair, attempting to keep her mind off of Lucas. She thinks of Evan, thoughts of his dazzling smile, cerulean eyes, and rich voice all send shivers down her spine. She wonders what it would be like to hold his hand again, or even kiss him. Would she feel the gentle summer rain she did with Lucas, or would she finally understand the passion of fire? Her fantasy is interrupted when she hears her father's voice through the very thin door.

"Josh, you have to let us see her."

"No," she hears Josh say. "You two should have noticed what Riley was going through. I'm not letting anyone see her until _she_ says it's okay."

"Josh please," her mom sounds like she had been crying and regret instantly floods her body. She never wanted to cause her parents pain.

"Topanga, I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing it to protect Riley. She feels like Maya gets more attention from you two. Riley's been going through a lot and no one has noticed. I want her to feel ready to talk to you guys," Riley hears the gentleness return to Josh's voice and hopes her parents agree with him. Right now, Riley is sure she can't deal with apologizing to them.

After what feels like an eternity of silence, she hears a knock on the door, "Riley, it's me Josh, can I come in?"

"Come in!"

Her uncle swiftly opens the door and closes it just as fast, "How are you feeling?"

Riley doesn't know how to answer. A piece of her wants to lie to Josh like she would to everyone else, but she knows that he cares, and seems to be on her side of this whole mess, so decides to go with her gut and tell him the truth, "I don't know Josh. I feel relieved, but scared at the same time."

Josh nods his head, "That's understandable. Anything I can do to help?"

"How do I apologize to my parents?"

Josh fights the urge to roll his eyes. Of course Riley thought she was the one that needed to apologize, "Riley, you don't need to apologize, it's okay to be selfish sometimes. You needed your parents, and they weren't there for you."

Riley hesitates but speaks anyways, "I want to talk to them."

He looks her in the eyes, searching for any hint of fear or doubt, "Are you sure?"

The brunette nods. She needed things to get better. Talking meant fixing things right? She was always good at fixing things, "Yes. But I am a little scared."

Josh wraps his arm around her, "If you want, I can stay in the room, be a mediator to make sure you're okay."

"I'd like that."

"Good. I'll text them to let them know they can come in. Okay?"

Riley takes in a sharp breath, but smiles at her uncle.

They sit in silence as Josh rubs small circles on her back while Riley tries to calm herself down. What if her parents hated her? What would she do then? Could Josh let her move into his dorm room if they kicked her out?

She hears a knock on the door, "Come in!" Her voice cracks and she takes another deep breath, hoping that this conversation wouldn't reduce her to tears.

Her parents walk in hand-in-hand and stand in front of them. Her mom clears her throat, "Riley, your father and I are so sorry that we made you feel like you couldn't come to us about your feelings. We always want to be a part of whatever happens to you," Riley can tell her mom is crying even without looking at her face. Tears are streaming down her own cheeks too.

"I thought you loved Maya more than me. You're always complimenting her and talking to her. Sometimes I feel like a guest at our dinner table," she can barely get the words out without sobbing.

"Oh honey. We love Maya, but you will always be our daughter first. We're sorry for not showing you how much we love you lately," her mom whispers to her.

Suddenly she can feel her dad wiping her tears with his thumb, "Sweetie, we love you more than anything. It's just that you're so strong and good at hiding how you feel that sometimes we forget you need reassurance and comfort from us too."

Her mom crouches next to her dad and takes her hands, "Honey, you are a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend. We couldn't be more proud of the beautiful woman you've become."

"Really?" Her voice is steadier, relishing the fact that her parents _did_ love her.

Her dad nods, "Absolutely, even though it hurts to call you a woman."

Riley lets out a laugh. It's light and airy and _real_.

Her mom chuckles and tilts Riley's head up, "Riley, if you ever need to talk to us, please tell us. I promise we'll listen."

Tears are springing to her eyes, "Okay."

Josh claps his hands together, "Well looks like my mediation wasn't even necessary. Now that that's done, since I know my niece, why don't we have a family group hug?"

The three of them tackle her and proceed to squeeze the life out of her.

"We love you Riley," her mom says.

"Please don't forget that," her dad adds.

Josh's stomach rumbles, effectively ruining the moment, but they still hold on to each other, "Sorry guys. I'm starving, why don't we have more heartwarming family time over lunch?"

She's crying again, but this time she knows without a doubt the tears spilling from her eyes represent happiness. She finally feels like she has her parents back.

* * *

The five of them are sitting in the lunch hall without a clue of what to do. The conversation is mostly lead by Zay, Farkle, and Smackle, while both Lucas and Maya sit quietly, avoiding anyone's eyes.

"Beloved look, Riley's there with dreamboat and her parents," Smackle observes.

Farkle cringes when Isadora makes the discovery, still feeling awful after Josh told him how he embarrassed her. Smackle grabs his hand and starts moving away from the table, "What are you doing?"

The genius furrows her eyebrows at her boyfriend, "I want to say hi to Bubbles, I missed her."

Farkle lets go of her hand, he couldn't face Riley, not today, "Go without me."

His girlfriend gives him one last look of confusion before heading over to the Matthews' table.

The remaining four friends watch as Riley nearly jumps into Smackle after the smaller girl opens up her arms for a hug. After Riley eventually lets go of the genius, they chat for a while and Smackle openly flirts with Josh before coming back to her friends.

"I invited her over, but Bubbles said they're having a family lunch today."

"That's nice," Maya mumbles before going back to pushing her food around on her plate. She would have been a part of that family lunch two days ago. Now she wasn't sure if she would ever have another meal with the Matthews again.

"Looks like Sunshine's having the time of her life," Zay says sadly. He didn't realize that his comments were having an impact on the poor girl.

The group looks over to the family. Josh and Riley are performing some sort of dance while Topanga claps and Cory looks absolutely horrified. Riley's giggle is loud enough to shake the entire room and for the first time in a long time, she seems to have no care in the world.

"We should go back, I wanted to check out some of the other trails," Farkle suggests.

The four other friends nod before cleaning up. As they walk out, Lucas locks eyes with Riley, her lips turn up at the corners, but she looks away as soon as possible, putting her attention back on Josh.

Lucas can tell that fight with Josh definitely had a large impact on Maya. So when Zay, Farkle, and Smackle decide to go on a hike, he decides to try and make Maya feel better, that's the least he can do after putting both girls through this triangle.

"You okay?"

Her sky blue eyes are empty, "Am I bad friend?"

"What did Josh say to you?"

"Nothing that isn't true," Maya sighs. "I stole her parents from her. Riley's Uncle Shawn barely talks to her because I take up all of his time. Whenever Josh is over, I always bother him instead of letting him hang out with her. I made her think she had to give up you, a guy she's crazy about. I didn't even notice how miserable this dumb triangle was making her."

Lucas pauses, now that Maya says it all out loud it makes sense that both girls are struggling. Riley is the sweetest person he knows, she would do anything to make Maya happy, but he also knows that insecurity is her biggest weakness. Seeing everyone gravitating towards Maya while leaving her in the dust must have hurt. Maya would never do anything on purpose to hurt Riley. Learning that her actions did just that must be killing her, especially when she heard it from Josh, someone Lucas suspects Maya still has feelings for.

"Maya you're not a bad friend. Everything is messed up right now, but you guys will get through this."

"How Huckleberry?! You won't tell us your choice, Josh won't let me talk to Riley, and her parents probably hate me now that they realize that I put her through everything," she screams. "I lost my best friend and for what? A Ranger Rick from Texas?"

Ignoring the jabs at him, he pulls her into a hug. She shrieks even louder, the hug reminds her of the campfire, but instead of the soft warmth she felt then, all she feels is the flames consuming her. Rage and hate coarse through her, "Don't touch me."

Lucas winces. He hoped that a hug would let her know that things were going to work out, but all it seems to do is anger her even more. He lets go and she runs.

When Maya gets to her room she shuts the door and slams herself against the door. How could she be so stupid? How could she let herself give up her best friend, her everything, all because of some feelings she had for Huckleberry, feelings she doesn't even understand. Feelings that feel nothing like the ones she has for Josh, who makes her toes curl and her heart melt.

She feels the door knob turn on her back. Maya wipes some tears off her face and hopes that the person doesn't notice she had been crying. She opens the door to come face-to-face with Riley.

"Peaches?" The brunette says to her, and just like that, after hearing Riley's concern and worry, Maya collapses.

Riley sits down on the floor next to her and engulfs Maya into her arms. Maya cries even harder when she realizes it feels like home.

"I'm sorry honey, Josh was right. I should stay away from you."

Riley raises her eyebrow in surprise. When did Josh and Maya talk?

"What did he say Maya?"

"I've been taking everyone's attention from you Riley. I've been so selfish and don't deserve to call you my best friend," she explains.

Riley sighs. Although what Josh said did hold some truth, she didn't want Maya to feel bad about something that didn't have any knowledge of doing, "Peaches, Josh wasn't completely wrong, but it's partly my fault. I should have told my parents that I needed their attention too. And I should have been honest about my feelings for Lucas. I'm not mad at you, I just needed some time to sort things out."

"How can you even look at me right now? I ruined everything," Maya whispers.

"Maya, I won't lie and say I haven't been miserable lately, but I will always love you. I will always be your best friend."

Maya finally hugs her back. Making a silent promise to herself that no matter what happens, she will always come back to Riley.

"Is Josh still mad at me?" Her heart pounds as she says the words. She can't imagine living in a world where Josh hated her.

Riley smiles sadly at the blonde, "He gets really protective, so he might be a little upset. You two should talk."

Maya feels the tears welling up in her eyes again, "What if he doesn't forgive me Riles? I can't live with him hating me. Not when I-"

She stops. It all become clear to her and she glances and Riley who looks more confused than ever. She really did drag this triangle for nothing. It's always been Josh. Lucas was cute and she liked the little game they had, but what else did she ever do with him?

"Maya?" Riley interrupts, "My parents and Josh are waiting for me downstairs. We wanted to go explore the forest a bit. I can cancel if you want me to?"

"No, it's fine Riles. Go, you deserve to have some fun."

"Are you sure?" Riley asks. She didn't want to leave Maya when she was so emotional.

Maya rolls her eyes, "Yes. Honey."

Riley takes one look at her. Maya can tell she still wants to stay with her, but she's sure that Riley needs to go. Soon enough, the brunette grabs her phone off the counter, says a quick goodbye, and strides out the door.

Maya grabs her own phone and sends a text.

 _We need to talk. This triangle needs to end._

 _I agree. Where do you want to meet?_

 _Meet me in front of the fireplace in five minutes._

 _Okay._

When she gets to the fireplace, she notices that Huckleberry is pacing. She can't believe she didn't see it before. She especially can't believe she didn't see it when he was kicking that poor tree after meeting Evan.

"So it's me right?"

Lucas looks dumbfounded. This is not how he wanted this conversation to go.

"You and me forever right?"

Oh God. This is the exact opposite of how things were supposed to be, "Umm…"

"You could never hurt me?"

Now that was something he agreed with, "I could never hurt you."

Maya nods, "I figured that's why you waited so long."

Lucas frowns, "I'm really sorry. I do like you as a friend Maya. It's just that it's always been Riley for me. I was confused for a while and everything kept moving too fast, but my feelings for Riley have never changed."

Maya smiles at him, "I know. And surprise, I don't think I ever liked you at all."

"What?"

Maya takes a breath before continuing, "All my life, I've always wanted what Riley had. She had two great parents, hope, and a boy that was head over heels for her. I wanted it all. And when I started letting her influence take over my personality, I kind of realized how much of a great guy you are and wanted someone like you."

She pauses again, looking at the Texan in front of her whose stoic expression does nothing to calm her nerves, "Our banter started feeling more like flirting to me, and Josh never gave me any attention. It felt good having someone care about me. And I'm sorry I caused all of this. I'm sorry that I ruined things for you and Riley. You can hate me if you want, but please don't take it out of Riley or yourself, because it's all my fault."

"I don't hate you Maya. You were confused. I was confused. We both made mistakes. I should have fought harder for Riley when she started calling me her brother," he admits. "You still like Josh, don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

Lucas chuckles, "You only go crazy whenever he's around so I guess it's not that obvious."

"It doesn't matter. He sort of hates me for putting Riley through everything."

He could relate, having the person you like mad at you was like having your heart shredded, "I'm sure he doesn't Maya. I'll make you a deal. If you talk to Josh, then I'll talk to Riley."

"Nice try Ranger Rick, but there's no way I'm looking like a fool in front of Uncle Boing," she starts. "But you need to talk to Riley."

"No way! If you're not going to to look like a fool in front of Josh, I'm not going to look like a fool in front of Riley," he explains.

Maya shrugs, "Listen Ranger Rick, Boing is a fantasy for me. You don't go out with a fantasy, you only think about them all the time. Riley is your future. You can't just give up without a fight, not after everything that's happened."

He ponders her words. He told Riley that he was worth it. That _they_ were worth it. Even is she hated him right now and needed a break, he was going to make sure she knew he was always there for her to talk to. That if nothing else, their friendship was more than worth it.

"Thanks Maya," she watches him smile softly at her and returns the favor. Right before he leaves, he turns around to look at her again, "You know sometimes fantasies do become reality, don't give up hope just yet."

The blonde rolls her eyes at his comment, "I'll keep that in mind Cowboy."

She whistles to herself all the way back to her room, relieved that at least she was out of the triangle. Her good mood disappears when opens the door to see Josh rummaging through Riley's stuff.

"Riley said she needs eye drops. I've been looking for like a hour and can't find them. She keeps texting me to keep looking."

Typical Riley, always trying to fix everything, "Riley doesn't use eyedrops. She just wants us to talk."

"I see," Josh says curtly. "Well I'm here now, say what you need to say."

He's monotone towards her, but her body still tingles at the sight of him, "I'm sorry for hurting Riley and not noticing what I was doing. But I'm not going to stay away from Riley. She's my best friend and I intend to make sure that I'm a better one from now on."

"I might have been a little harsh on you, but it was still a horrible thing to do. You can't control who you fall for, but you can control how you act because of it. You flirted with Lucas when you knew Riley had a crush on him," he's icy tone makes her cringe.

"Just please don't hate me. I don't want you to hate me," she's weeping slightly and a twinge of sadness flows through his veins.

"Maya, I could never hate you. I just want to understand why you put my niece through all of this."

"I was confused," she whispers quietly. "I wanted everything Riley had, and Riley had a guy like Lucas who cared so much about her, while the guy I like didn't even acknowledge my feelings."

She's actually crying now. He never thought he'd live to see Maya Hart cry. She was a warrior, and _he_ made her cry, "Maya, you're a great girl, but you're still three years younger than me. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but it's the truth. Right now, we can't be together."

"I know. I know that we can never be together. I want us to be friends though."

"Maya, of course we're friends, and I said that we couldn't be together _right now_ ," her eyes widen at the prospect of having a future with him. "Tell you what, why don't you do your thing, I do mine, and it fate or the universe decides we need to be together, then it will happen. To someday, I promise."

* * *

She's smiling wider than she's ever smiled before and attacks him with a hug, "To someday."

Riley stares out the window, looking at the stars amazed at how something could be so beautiful.

"You know they'd look better when you're outside," she turns her head to see Evan.

She smiles shyly at the cute boy, "Oh, really?"

He returns her smile with a smirk, "Why don't we find out? There's a great trail for star gazing."

Riley is ready to accept his offer until she sees Lucas in the corner of her eye. He gives her a small wave, but remains glued to where he stands.

Evan follows Riley's eyes to see her staring longingly at Lucas. He should have known better, "Go. Invite him on a walk. You two need to work things out."

"No. There's too much to work out. Besides, I'm done with him."

Evan rolls his eyes, "You are the opposite of done Riley. Look, I don't know exactly what's going on between you, him, and your friend Maya, but I do know that he's been staring at you like a depressed puppy all weekend. I think you should give him the chance to explain everything. The best relationships come with effective communication."

Riley glances at Lucas, who gives her a sad smile, she turns to back to Evan, it wasn't fair to him that she still had strong emotions towards Lucas, "I'm sorry. I really wanted to like you."

He shrugs, "Don't be. We can't help who we fall for." Riley gives him a lingering kiss on the cheek and walks towards Lucas.

"Hi."

"Hey," he tries as hard to keep his jealousy for slipping through his tone, not sure if he succeeds after seeing that kiss on the cheek.

Riley moves strands of her hair behind her ear, "Do you want to take a walk? Maybe we could talk?"

"I'd like that."

They walk in silence for a while before Lucas decides to say something to get rid of the awkwardness, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Lucas."

"No it's not Riley. I've been letting this triangle go on for so long even though I made a decision. I was too afraid to hurt anyone, but by not telling anyone my choice, I hurt the most important person in the world," he's rambling, worried that her quietness means she hates him.

"Lucas, it's not all your fault. I shouldn't have lied to you or Maya about my feelings," she admits.

"Why did you do that Riley? I know our unofficial thing was moving pretty slow, but we were happy. I thought _you_ were happy with me."

"I don't want to lose you Lucas. I always want to be in your life. If we dated, broke up, and then hated each other, I don't know if I could survive," she pauses to prevent herself from getting too emotional. "Besides, you feel something for Maya. You wouldn't have dated her if you didn't. You two will make each other happy."

Lucas furiously shakes his head, "No Riley. That's where you're wrong. I gave it a shot with Maya because you told me I was your brother. I wanted to give Maya a chance because she liked me and she's a good friend of mine, so I figured I owed her that much. But it's _you_ Riley, it's always been you. It will always be you."

" _Why?_ I need to know _why_ ," her goal of not crying in front of Lucas ends in failure as soon as she asks the question.

He steps closer to her and wipes her tears with the pad of his thumb, "Because you're the only reason I survived New York. Because you make me laugh. Because I love talking to you for hours at a time without worrying about the rest of the world. Because you make my heart stop and my palms sweat and make me believe I can do anything. Because I can't live without you in my life."

"What about Maya?" she couldn't hurt her best friend, not after everything Josh said to her.

"Maya and I talked. She knows what's happening and I promise you she's fine," he answers. "You need to stop thinking about what makes everyone else happy Riley. What makes _you_ happy? What do _you_ want?"

"I don't want to lose you," she looks into his green eyes with tears streaming down her cheeks. His hand still holding her face.

"We don't know what's going to happen in the future Riley, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to enjoy what we have right now. What do _you_ want Riley?" he asks more firmly this time.

Her heart stops, but she intertwines her hands with his and continues to drown in his eyes, "I want you Lucas. I want us. I want to go on dates and kiss and just be together. I've always wanted yo-"

His hands are grabbing her face before she can finish speaking. He's kissing her with such raw fierceness that she's sure she's going to fall any second. Riley wraps her arms around his neck for balance.

Lucas manages to move his arms around her waist and somehow kiss her even deeper. It's better than any moment she could have ever dreamed of, like a harsh storm traveling through her from head to toe. When they finally break apart, their foreheads meet as they breathe heavily together, neither of them sure if what happened was real.

"I missed you," she confesses.

Lucas takes in the the girl in front of him. Tears are still drying on her face and she's looking at him like he's her everything, "I missed you too."

He kisses her again. It's softer and sweeter than the one before, like a promise to them, "You'll never have to miss me again."


End file.
